Saturday, March 26, 2011


Disclaimer:  this may be a bit too in depth and personal (in my opinion) to post…so I’ll post and may remove it. 
I’ve been thinking a lot about the word ‘grace’ lately.

As a noun: 
elegance or beauty of form, manner, motion, or action
moral strength

An idiom:
‘A fall from grace.’

First off, I’ll be honest I am not very graceful in terms of elegance or beauty in motion.  And pretty sure that’s not going to change.  

These thoughts of grace are internal, a personal matter.

I have been going through, what I like to think of as a growth phase right now.  On January 1, 2011 I did not think that my life would have major changes in 2011.   
However, the first three months have proved that the remainder of the year will be a great time of change and development for me.  

Typically I am terrified-to the point of shutting down-when it comes to the unknown.  But for some reason I feel a bit empowered by the things going on in my life.  

 I guess that’s where ‘grace’ comes in.   I guess.  Still working to see where it fits in.

I am not sure why I have been thinking about it so much and feel like it’s shown itself to me a bit in the past few months and especially in the past week.

There is a certain situation I have been going through right now and I have been working so hard to handle it with grace.   
It hasn’t been a completely graceful journey, as life is just sometimes gritty.   However, I do feel as though I have done my best, and will continue to do so as the situation evolves.

That’s where ‘grace’ as a noun comes in.
elegance or beauty of form, manner, motion, or action
moral strength

Not only am I trying to act in a graceful manner but it also to some extent, this journey has been ‘a fall from grace.’   
Again, life.
It happens.

It’s just interesting how this word keeps coming to me.  It’s made me take time to look it up and read about it.  It’s allowed me to reflect and put things in my life in their place.  

There have been two times in my life, one within the last 24 hours,
where I recognized instantly that I had lost my grasp on ‘grace.’  
 I know I showed a lack of grace and honestly a large part of me wishes I could take it back.  

I mentioned this to my mother and she helped me realize both times have been a result of my love for two people I hold so dear.  
Being protective I guess.

As grace slipped from me yesterday I walked down the sidewalk in the middle of a noisy downtown, the word came back to me.   
I had lost it in that instant. 
 I’ve been holding on to it tight over the past months and at that moment it just slipped through my fingers.

I feel like over the next 6 months I will have a much better understanding of what ‘grace’ means to me and why this word keeps appearing in my head. 

It means something. 

Not sure what.

We shall see.

side note:  flowers are starting to bloom in denver.  these were from breck last summer.  
and for the first time in a long long time...i miss home.